July 13

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Coming to terms with change is harder than it seems…

By Jo Fowler

July 13, 2021


A recent Twitter post from @JenAshleyWright got me thinking. Her post was….

People talk about caterpillars becoming a butterfly as though they just go into a cocoon, slap on wings, and are good to go.

Caterpillars have to dissolve into disgusting pile of goo to become butterflies.

So if you’re a mess wrapped up in blankets right now, keep going.

And here’s where my thinking trail went…

I’ve recently been through more changes than I wish to count. Some changes were made through choice, others felt necessary and just had to be done, and a good few changes felt more like a solid kick in the teeth! What I know is, good or bad, all change is hard!

When things that don’t feel like they are going our way, these are the situations which are harder to deal with and recover from. But I have a theory about how to deal with difficult change and how to reason with the unreasonable. My theory is that most changes happen for a reason… and I’m not talking here about an existential belief in determinism.

When I say most… there are of course the changes which are just simply out of your control – losing someone, being hurt or rejected, others acting how we could not foresee to name a few.  These changes can and will feel incredibly uncomfortable because it often rocks our trust in our core beliefs. Like – I believe that all people are good, I believe that good people get happy and healthy lives, I believe that trying hard should always be enough. Unfortunately, life is not so bound by these karmic rules and sometimes shit happens!  

But for all other changes I believe that we can create our own reality… each day we make choices. Sometimes they are very small and subconscious – perhaps in the way we talk or act, in the conversations we hold, and in the company we choose to keep. Other choices are more consciously made decisions.

Each choice comes from our inner beliefs and mindset – what we believe about our environment will often become our reality for two reasons. Either (1) it’s a limiting belief, for example, you may believe that you are stuck in your situation and guess what – you are stuck because you believe it. And so you’re choice is not to take control, and not to make changes, but rather be subjected to others making those choices for you. Or (2) it is the power of positive thought, for example, with positive thought you may believe that you are on the right path, and with some commitment and strength of character, you will find that path was indeed right for you.

My point is that all actions lead to choices which create change. And so the reason why many changes occur is because we make it so. On this basis change occurs because of one or more of the following:

  1. We gave away control with our limiting beliefs and change happened to us.
  2. We took control with positive thought and change happened for us.
  3. We had no control and change happened despite us.

With this understanding, it helps to frame the painful changes. You can answer many of your own questions and not be left wondering what happened and why? Also with this understanding we can take back control and make more of the best changes – the ones that happen for us because we took control with positive thought.  

Jo Fowler

A modern-day earthy yet entrepreneurial mum. She's evolved from a senior finance professional working 70-hour weeks to a homestay mum with big plans. Her passions are centered around coaching and self-development, and to live and prosper authentically. She is an outgoing, animal, nature, and gin-loving vegetarian. Being in a crisis is something that she knows a fair bit about... becoming a mum, and giving up her steady career, being an Autie mum - with a child on the Autism spectrum life is never dull! What keeps her sane is positive psychology, fulfilling her passions, and generally seeing the funny side with friends.

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