August 9


Emotional Intelligence: Can People Change?

By Jess Bellingham

August 9, 2021

Have you ever thought or been told that people can't, don't, or won't change?

It's something that I have heard a lot over the years and as I have become more entrenched in the world of coaching, personal development, and spirituality, I have come to believe that this is not entirely true!

People can change but it requires a very specific skill - Emotional Intelligence (also known as emotional quotient or EQ).

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

On the HelpGuide website, they define Emotional intelligence as "the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict."

It is associated with four key attributes:

  • Self-management
  • Self-awareness
  • Social awareness
  • Relationship management

VeryWellMind says on their wesbsite that emotional intelligence can be used in many different ways in your daily life, including:

  • Being able to accept criticism and responsibility
  • Being able to move on after making a mistake
  • Being able to say no when you need to
  • Being able to share your feelings with others
  • Being able to solve problems in ways that work for everyone
  • Having empathy for other people
  • Having great listening skills
  • Knowing why you do the things you do
  • Not being judgemental of others

When we grow or change as people, a big part of it is taking responsibility for our own mindsets, thoughts, behaviours and reactions and being able to change them for the betterment of ourselves and our relationships when we need to.

You can test your emotional intelligence right now and stay tuned for tips on how to improve your EQ πŸ˜˜πŸ‘‡

Quick online test -

"Emotional intelligence is an awareness of your actions and feelings – and how they affect those around you. It also means that you value others, listen to their wants and needs, and are able to empathize or identify with them on many different levels."

How Can We Improve Our Emotional Intelligence?

The good news is that emotional intelligence can be learned and developed! You can try these simple strategies:

  1. How do you react to people? Do you rush to judgment before having all the facts or stereotype people? Try to start identifying when you do this and stop those thoughts in their tracks. The stories you build in your mind about situations or people are skewed by the lens through which you experience life. Other people think, react and understand things differently from you and it takes time and practice to understand someone else and not fill in the blanks for them - be open to others and accepting of their differences. People are all unique after all, including you!
  2. Do you often seek attention for your accomplishments? Humility doesn't mean that you can't be proud of what you have achieved it just means that you don't need to seek others approval for it and in certain situations, actually allow others to have their time to shine instead!
  3. Do a self-evaluation. What are your weaknesses? Are you willing to accept that you're not perfect and that you could work on some areas to make yourself a better person? Have the courage to look at yourself honestly – it can change your life. There us a link to a quiz in the post below!
  4. Do you become upset when things are delayed or don't happen the way you want them to? Do you blame others and get angry at them, even when it's not their fault? The ability to keep your emotions under control when things go wrong is extremely useful and valued in many areas of life, work and personal.
  5. Take responsibility for your actions. If you hurt someone's feelings, don't ignore what you did or avoid them. Apologies directly and openly. People are usually more willing to forgive and forget if you make an honest attempt to make things right and if they don't, then maybe they aren't the right person to have in your life.
  6. Examine how your actions affect others before you act. If your decision will impact others, put yourself in their place. How will they feel if you do this? Would you want that experience? If you must take the action, how can you help others deal with the effects?

Jess Bellingham

As well as being a qualified NLP practitioner, Jess has a rich background in marketing and writing. Having written for other people throughout her career, she is definitely loving being able to finally write and create for herself. Her work mainly consists of researching and trying out everything and anything to do with personal development and helping guide others through this sometimes daunting and confusing space. Her downtime (when she isn't being an adrenaline junkie) usually consists of shinrin-yoku, reading a ludicrous amount of books, working on her many secret novels, harassing her cats, watching 80's & 90's movies and raging at her consoles. When she isn't a potato, she can sometimes be seen outdoors (normally hiking, galavanting on beaches or skulking in the woods).

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