July 13

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Diary of a SEND Mum (5) Metamorphosis & Coping with change

By Jo Fowler

July 13, 2021


I’ve recently been through more significant life changes than I wish to count. Tough jobs, stretched friendships, weddings, divorces and funerals, work life as a new mum, unsupportive schools, house moves, family with special needs and disabilities, family illness and bereavements, toxic relationships... and more!

A good few of the life events and changes I have been through have felt like a solid kick in the teeth but I know from a great deal of experience that coming to terms with change, and surviving the process, can be really damn hard. 

A recent Twitter post from @JenAshleyWright got me thinking. Her post was....

"People talk about caterpillars becoming a butterfly as though they just go into a cocoon, slap on wings, and are good to go. Caterpillars have to dissolve into disgusting pile of goo to become butterflies. So if you’re a mess wrapped up in blankets right now, keep going."

Metamorphosis to a butterfly

When the world gets you down and you feel like a pile of goo, when you feel low or tired from trying so hard or a huge life change occurs, it can feel really tough. I have been there, sat with feelings of hopelessness but I survived and so can you! 

In fact not only did I get through these times of painful change but I grew in ways I didn't expect, I was stronger than I thought possible, and I was more capable than I gave myself credit for. I was a cocooned little caterpillar and I transformed into a butterfly!

My NLP Tips on how to transform from a pile of goo to become the new you...

  1. Positivity is power: try not to feed negative emotions. In most life events and changes we do often create and certainly influence our own reality through our mindset and daily choices. Sometimes our choices may seem very small and subconscious but actually play a big part in what life we will lead and what doors and opportunities may open up for us. Be aware of your own self talk, be kind to yourself, believe in yourself - it makes a difference because you will carry a positive energy, you naturally make better decisions and have a positive effect on others. Its at times like this when the best outcomes happen.
  2. Live your values: I've learned that its easy to get lost through the daily demand of life and forget who you are and what makes you happy.  When we spend a huge portion of time working for or looking after others we can forget to look after ourselves or tend to our own needs. When we don't without follow our own personal values, we can feel lost or without direction or purpose and lose our ability to feel happy. Take our well-being quiz to find out how well aligned you are to your values. Want to identify your core values and learn how to live them? Take our online self guided course Vision into Reality. 
  3. Find your tribe. The people that you spend most of your time with will influence your energy and your future. This is why it is important to spend time with people who align to your beliefs and your values.  Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with, including yourself.” Be aware and choose your tribe wisely. Make sure that the people around you are passionate and positive influences who will raise you up both in how they help and respond to you.
  4. Be true to yourself. We talk a lot about the mind body benefits to shifting to a positive mindset, but that does not mean that we should brush over all tough challenges and feelings and pretend its not happening. We live in a world of toxic positivity where it seems that its only OK to share our good times but actually its really important to be comfortable with the less happy times because this is as much a part of life and is often the time when we grow and learn valuable life lessons. When we experience negative emotions, we need to acknowledge them, take a moment to understand them and then find a way to let them go.  
  5. Keep Calm & Trust the process. If you simply believe that there is going to be a good outcome, its easier to shift your mindset to let go of the present and you stop asking "why is this happening to me". If you trust that the future will be positive and happy, give yourself permission to let go of the pains of your past, you will make room for a new positive future.

Jo Fowler

A modern-day earthy yet entrepreneurial mum. She's evolved from a senior finance professional working 70-hour weeks to a homestay mum with big plans. Her passions are centered around coaching and self-development, and to live and prosper authentically. She is an outgoing, animal, nature, and gin-loving vegetarian. Being in a crisis is something that she knows a fair bit about... becoming a mum, and giving up her steady career, being an Autie mum - with a child on the Autism spectrum life is never dull! What keeps her sane is positive psychology, fulfilling her passions, and generally seeing the funny side with friends.

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